


Locutionary Acts

by dotfic



Category: Fringe
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-17
Updated: 2011-07-17
Packaged: 2017-10-21 12:06:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/224994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dotfic/pseuds/dotfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Astrid starts hearing things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Locutionary Acts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [musesfool](https://archiveofourown.org/users/musesfool/gifts).



> a/n: Written for musesfool's birthday. Set in season 2, no spoilers for any particular episode. Thank you to ariadnes_string for the beta.

The first time Astrid heard it, she was alone in the lab, her hands covered with latex gloves and wrist-deep in dead tissue and blood and cartilage. She put the deceased's lungs on a scale and weighed them as Walter had requested, then moved on to the liver, heart, and spleen. As with the other four victims, the organs all weighed less than they should have and were too small.

Astrid enjoyed working in silence, unlike Walter, who would do equations on the blackboard with ABBA or opera blasting. So the lab was very quiet, just the sounds of Gene stirring in her stall and the background murmur of university life flowing by, a group in the middle of an argument in the hallway outside the lab. A lot of people walked past the lab door without any idea of the kinds of things that went on inside, although there was a rumor that finding a way into Dr. Bishop's lab had become a campus dare – something students talked about at 2 a.m. when they were drunk.

Wrinkling her nose, Astrid put more innards on the scale.

"Ugh, that smells _awful_ ," a voice said distinctly.

Astrid paused.

"Hello?" She held up her latex-and-gut-covered hands. "Hello?"

Nothing.

She rubbed the back of her arm across her forehead. Maybe she'd been looking at the insides of dead people for too long.

* * *

The next time Astrid heard something odd, Agent Broyles, Olivia, Peter, and Walter were all in the lab, a swirl of debate going on between them. Astrid sat with her headphones on, trying to screen them all out as she jotted notes and listened to the odd radio signal Olivia had asked her to analyze. The signal was buried in a live broadcast of classical music – a series of metallic tones of no immediately apparent pattern. Two minutes after the performance had ended, six of the musicians had vanished in full view of the audience. No one at the concert had heard the tones, only those listening on the radio.

So things were pretty noisy. Astrid let out a long sigh and tugged off her headphones.

"Excuse me," she said.

Agent Broyles had that look on his face as he turned to face Walter – the one that meant he was trying not to be annoyed, face hardening as if he were wondering if he'd been too loose with the rules and if it was going to bite him in the ass. Meanwhile Walter, oblivious, spun out an elaborate theory, using enthusiastic hand gestures and a tambourine. Peter and Olivia kept interrupting.

"Excuse me," Astrid repeated, louder.

They finally quieted and she heard it then, a low hum. It was the same tune she'd been listening to on the headphones for the past few hours. Walter had played it several times over the speakers for them all to listen to earlier.

"You hear that?" Astrid asked.

"Hear what?" Olivia said, stepping closer to Astrid.

"That…humming? Someone's humming. But it's not any of us."

"Nope," Peter said. "Astrid, maybe you've been listening too long. Take a break."

"I don't need a break. I was going to ask you all to please keep it down to a dull roar so I could listen to the broadcast. And then I noticed the humming."

"On the broadcast, Aster?" Walter asked eagerly.

"No." Astrid waved her hand. "In the lab."

Olivia and Peter and Agent Broyles exchanged worried looks, but Walter peered right at Astrid with great interest.

"Really?" he murmured.

"You know what?" Astrid put the headphones down on the counter. "Never mind. You're right, I could use a break." She headed for the door, and as Walter opened his mouth, she stopped and pointed. "And don’t you dare ask me to get you pastries. I'm going for a short walk. That's it."

"Of course, Asterix," he said in a kindly way.

As Astrid grabbed her jacket and walked out, she thought she heard an amused, female voice chuckling. It didn't sound anything like Olivia, and Olivia wouldn't be laughing at her anyway.

* * *

Peter sat on a chair and endured while Walter shone his penlight into his left eye, then his right.

"Walter," Peter said, a hint of impatience in his very patient tone. "I'm fine. It didn't hit me that hard."

"You blacked out!" Walter said indignantly.

"For a few seconds."

Astrid brought Peter a cup of water while Olivia caught her lower lip between her teeth, her anxiety showing as she watched Walter checking Peter. She seemed to notice she was biting her lip and stopped, back straightening, while Walter poked at the back of Peter's head.

"You appear to be mildly concussed," Walter said. "Perhaps you should go home and rest…Olivia could watch over you."

"Olivia has more important things to do," Peter countered, after a moment's hesitation.

Olivia started to open her mouth as another voice said "So stubborn!" and Astrid said "What?"

"What?" Olivia, Walter, and Peter all turned to her.

"Did you –" Astrid put her fingers to her forehead.

"Are you all right, my dear?" Walter leaned closer to peer at her.

"I'm fine. Peter could rest here," she said briskly. "Sit right here where he is and we can all keep an eye on him and he can stay part of the investigation the way he wants."

"That's the first sensible thing anyone has said all day," the voice (female, and not Olivia's) spoke again.

"Okay, tell me you all heard that!" Astrid held out her hands.

Olivia's forehead creased with concern. "No, I didn't."

Walter and Peter shook their heads with twin gestures.

"It…but…never mind."

"Maybe you should be the one sitting down," Peter offered.

"I'm _fine_ , though," Astrid said.

"Perhaps you're just tired," Walter offered.

"I'm not tired!" said Astrid.

Olivia inhaled deeply and let it out slow. "Anyone want pastry?" She gave a strained smile and held up a hand. "I'll get it. My treat."

Astrid reflected that at least she was getting baked goods – procured by someone else – out of her minor nervous breakdown.

* * *

First there were the colorful amphibians in the terrarium. Walter had Astrid film them as they shifted from frogs to newts to chameleons and back to frogs. Then Peter and Olivia returned to the lab, having learned very little from witnesses, and the creatures escaped.

Astrid wasn't sure how. _She_ wasn't the last person to re-close the lid.

As Olivia crouched, scanning the floor, a frog landed on her head. Olivia froze and very slowly reached up and gently caught the frog in her hand. Astrid ran over to take it from her and place it back in the terrarium, while Peter hurried after a salamander. He moved on the balls of his feet so he wouldn't accidently crush any of the small creatures.

Astrid heard the voice again when she was kneeling a few feet from Gene's stall. The cow seemed to be unperturbed by all the chaos, tail swishing back and forth.

"This place is completely nuts, you all know that, right?"

"Wait, what?" said Astrid.

"Hello, Astrid," said Gene.

Astrid screamed.

* * *

After that there was more chaos – the others abandoned rounding up the escaped shape-shifting frogs to run over to her. Astrid thought distantly that some professor or student was possibly in for a shock the next time they sat at their desk. She hoped they wouldn't hurt the frogs.

The expression in Gene's large eyes was almost hurt, and she made a whuffling sound through her nose. "Didn't mean to startle you, hon."

"I…you…but…" Astrid felt Peter's hand gently touch her shoulder on one side while Olivia's fingers closed firmly around her elbow on the other. "It's…I'm okay," she said to their anxious questions. "But Gene…" Astrid held out her hand and touched her fingers to the cow's nose.

"See?" said Gene. "All good."

Astrid jerked her hand away.

"Astro?" Walter prompted.

"Gene is talking to me. I'm going crazy, that's it. That has to be it."

Walter was beside her, both of them looking at Gene, and then he smiled, sad and apologetic. "Oh. I know what happened here."

"You do?" Peter said. "Of course you do," he added sardonically.

"Get what?" said Astrid. "Walter, do you know something? Help me out here!"

"Last week I injected Gene to test a serum designed to enhance communication. I've always been fascinated with Zoosemiotics. I wasn't sure what the serum would do. But given Astrid's facility with languages, her sharp, sensitive mind…" Walter beamed at her. "You've started picking up on Gene's thoughts. Your brain is translating them into vocals."

"Walter, are you saying I speak _cow_?"

"No, of course not." Walter looked surprised she could even suggest it. "But you can understand it! At least when it's Gene talking."

"You should've warned her," Peter said sternly.

"I didn't know!" Walter protested, and then clapped his hands together. "My dear girl, I'm sorry you were frightened. But this is very exciting! We could bring in a duck…a kitten. Maybe a small pony? If I injected them, we could see if it keeps working. You could be our own resident Dr. Doolittle."

"I don't _want_ to be Dr. Doolittle!" Astrid couldn't quite keep the trace of a wail out of her voice.

Olivia's hand tightened around her elbow. "You don't have to be. Walter," she said, in her brisk FBI-voice, "how long before it wears off?"

"It should only last a day or two. Any time now."

"Hey, I'm the one he poked with a needle," said Gene. "Does anyone care how I feel?"

"I do," said Astrid.

"Thank you for always taking such good care of me," Gene said fondly.

"Uh…you're welcome," said Astrid.

"I still think you're all nuts."

"We are all nuts," said Astrid.

"Gene thinks we're crazy?" Walter glanced at Gene with a wounded look.

"Because we _are_ ," said Peter.

"Tell them I love them anyway," said Gene.

"Gene says she loves you all anyway," said Astrid.

"Well, thank you, Gene." Peter laughed.

"I'd like a drink," Astrid said. Something crawled onto her shoe. Astrid looked down and watched as a small salamander turned into a newt. "A double martini."

Pastries weren't going to be enough.

~end


End file.
